To sleep or not to sleep?

To sleep or not to sleep? 

That IS the question.

That is the question I ask myself every evening as I settle down with a glass of wine and some good (or deliciously bad) TV/book/other form of entertainment.

And night after night, I chose "down" time, not sleeping time.  Why, you might ask? 

Because I deserve it?
Because I need it?
Because I really enjoy the program/book/etc?

Or because every night I lie to myself about the fact that my 2 year old (who is perfectly capable) is going to sleep THROUGH the night, that the older kids are going to get up and get ready without incident (so of course I can hit snooze), and that if things get tough, my husband will step in and come to my rescue.

The ugly truth reared its head again this morning.  And I thought it might be instructive if I examined the thoughts in my head and how every morning I plan more sleep, but that never seems to be the plan that is carried out.  So here goes...

Adam Sr. awakes and states, "Nice!  TJ slept all night for the first time all week.  His cough must be better."
I respond, "No, on all accounts."
He sheepishly goes on, "Oh...well I did not hear him?"
I respond, "Nope."
He asks, "Ok if I hop in the shower?"
I respond, "Of course."

BUT in my head I am thinking...'WHAT?  Are you kidding me?  I left him cry for 10 minutes because I promised I would stop bringing him to our bed.  The entire time I questioned, "But what if he is really sick?"  I even elbowed you once, but you never moved.  And a SHOWER?  You had a beer after your side job last night, maybe you should have came home then and got a shower?  You reset alarm for 6:45am, and I know you are leaving 7:15am come hell or high water and I am going to be STUCK here trying to get everyone out the door.  Tonight I am going to bed early.  I NEED to get some sleep.  Love you babe!  Yeah right back at ya!'

The morning continues.  Adam Jr. is the kid du jour that is refusing to get ready.  My lovely husband threatens to not take him to boy scout pinewood derby on Saturday if he does not get moving.  I think, 'Really?  Let's try and make threats there is actually some chance you would carry out.  You CANNOT wait to go to that car race with him all day. Oh yeah, and I will have all that time with the girls and TJ to catch up on laundry.  Can't wait!'

But then, the hubby leaves with a kiss and a joke, and we are all laughing as he breezes out the door.

35 minutes later, I get the kids out the door. 
"Yes TJ you can have gold fish crackers for breakfast" 
'Why?  Because I said no 3 times, and I cannot listen to you scream any more before 8am?'

"Ashley, how about we make a deal.  You will take the lunchable, but what if you only eat the cheese and crackers in your lunch for the field trip, and we will add an apple and bag of chips?  Does that work?  Great sweetie!"
'Because I am really sorry that I didn't realize this week that you CANNOT STAND turkey and cheese lunchables.  Next time I want to get ripped off trying to get you some boxed lunch crap special just for your field trip that you reminded me about at 7pm last night, I will make sure to note that.  Although next time it will be some other variety you've told me 100 times that you don't like but I cannot remember.

Then we finally head out the door.  Adam Jr. holds the door for me, (because he is working on being a 'gentleman like his daddy'), Ashley helps TJ find the goldfish crackers he drops in the van, and Laney is excitedly talking about her Meerkat report.  Adam Sr. calls and tells us all that he got a great annual evaluation and a raise, and everyone is cheering!  The girls promise to help me put laundry away tonight, if we can play a game of Sorry! afterwards.  Everyone gives hugs and kisses, and off we go.

And I tell myself,  'Wow I have some great kids.  Maybe we will let everyone stay up a little later tonight.  Oh yeah, and we are going to order pizza to celebrate Adam's raise.  Yep, and then he and I are going to spend at least an hour hanging with each other after the kids go to bed because we haven't seen much of each other all week.  And when my dear hubby goes to bed, I just cannot wait to watch last night's episode of Jersey Short!  Ah....'

And that is why tomorrow morning I will tell myself the same lie as this morning, that I will get some sleep!